Another week, another TMI Thursday!
***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!***
For the full compilation of horribly wrong things made entertaining visit Lilu's blogg (This weeks entry)
As promised in my previous post i would post something horribly embarrassing. Good thing I'm anonymous right?
PS. My sub consciousness is trying to lure away readers by starting off with a
really boring introduction. Its ok, I caught on to it. if you want to go to
the juicy parts just scroll down until you start reading about alcohol, women
or beds. If you reach bathroom you've gone too far DS.
Let's start! Last summer i still lived at home. It's a big house in a nice community on the outskirts of the city. Though you could still get downtown in around 40 min. There was a great forest over a hell of a lot of square miles around there as well. Great trails to pick mushrooms build small tree houses and just generally play in as a kid. There was a lake as well, with a small sand beach on side. The rest of the lake was surrounded with big rocks and trees.. It was a nice place to grow up around, I guess that’s one of the reasons why my parents decided to raise a family there.
I had been living there for so many years, but last summer was special. It was the first summer my parents went on vacation without me. Now some of you might think
"Poor guy left behind by his parents"BUT what you do not understand is that I've wanted to dodge our family vacations since forever! Why? You see, or house is an AWESOME place to have a party in. It's big, It's got great scenery, and it’s got a lot of bedrooms. And it has a Jacuzzi! And that summer, I got to do it all! Not to mention that I spent a week in Alanya in Turkey with my fellow turtles which was BEYOND AWESOME.
But back to the story. This day we were having one of many parties that summer at my place. The turtles came first, and started preparing everything with me. We downed some coffee since we knew it would be a long long night.
We were planning on having a BBQ that night, and we were trying to go for something spicy! I and the turtles sorted out the meat etc and our plan for spicy food became a great success! Around 6 p.m the guests (Girls) Started showing up. And we started drinking.
Among the girls this story is going to mostly focus around me and one of the girls, Vampire Girl!
Sounds freaky aye? I'll get to that part. But first the second most interesting thing to talk about, Alcohol!
We started off with prepping a drinking game we heard of. It was called
"The Dice"
The point of the game, as any other drinking game is to get drunk off your face, something this game does majestically! The requirements for this game are the following
- One Dice
- Six shot glasses
- Strong spirits
- Lack the brain capacity to understand this is a horrible, horrible, horrible idea
Very easy rules. Line up the glasses, give them a number and roll the dice. If the glass of the corresponding number you roll is EMPTY you fill it up and pass the dice. But.. If it's full you need to drink it and roll the dice again! Rinse and repeat until you get to fill a glass up.
Now, as if this idea wasn’t bad enough to start with, we decided to make it even worse. We modified the glasses... Glasses four and five went from 4 cl to 7 cl. And the oh so dreadful 6... was also a 4 cl glass.. but with a twist.
Instead of using vodka in number 6, we decided to use the Absinth Mikey picked up in Turkey.
This is when things start going good, then bad, then good, then great and then finally horrible...
So we are finally coming to the juicy bits! Within a few min of game start Vampire Girl had moved from her table end seat and instead comfortably sat herself in my lap at the center of the table. The further through the game we got the more me and Vampire girl got flirty. And I can promise you, after it was my turn with all 6 glasses filled. Things did progress at a faster rate!
Can you believe that in some cursed way I managed to roll 5 different numbers 5 times in a row. Generously giving me every shot on the table except for the #2 (yes that's 22 cl of Vodka and 4 cl Absinth in less than a min)
Next turn I got lucky and didn't need to drink a drop, Vamp Girl on the other hand got 3 shots. Vamp Girl was a rocker, and she had on her this t-shirt of Alice Cooper drinking blood. (Fairly sure it was cooper) At this point i was drunk off my face and asked her.
L: So you got a thing for Vamps?
Vamp Girl: Ya, you have no idea how hot it is when someone bites you or you bite someone else.
L: (Laughs) Well maybe you can show me sometime.
Vamp Girl: (Looks Slyly) Maybe I will (Shows her teeth and bites in the air while still looking at me)
Then it became my turn. I rolled the dice and got to drink one shot before passing the dice to Vamp Girl. And as she played I was talking with Mikey to my side about how fucked up this absinth makes you.
Suddenly I got this sharp pain in my neck and hear Vamp Girl giggling. I then feel some nibbling on my ear and this wet sensation. When I turn around I see Vamp girl looking at my slyly again.
L: You just bit me didn't you!
Vamp Girl: (Laughs) Ya i did, did you like it?
L: I'm not sure, guess you'll have to try again, but you should be careful, I might bite back (I look at her slyly now)
Vamp Girl: Interesting, (bites me again on the neck)
She was biting quite hard I should add! We were also very drunk.
L: You bit me again! Guess I’ll have to get back on you. (Bites her arm)
Vamp Girl: You call that a bite? You should bite harder. (Pause) And somewhere more interesting. (Nibbles my ear again)
L: Oh and where would that be? I am a gentleman after all, I wouldn't want to hurt you or bite you somewhere indecent (Sly look and light laugh)
I'm pretty sure we both know what I hinted at here, since she was sitting on my lap with her breasts quite close to my face. BUT what did surprise me was her reply
Vamp Girl: If you want to bite me, you should. I don't care where you do it, I won’t mind (Very sly look)
So I did, once again, what any other man would do in my situation. I leaned in, and I bit her breast. And at the same time put some pressure to where her nipple was.
She liked it. The biting went on and off for the next few hours. Around midnight we were supposed to go to bed. Me and Vamp girl went into my room. Now truth be told, I can drink a lot, I've never had any trouble downing spirits in swoops and be the last man standing. But, that game, I'm sorry but I am actually a mortal... I felt horrible. I felt my something wasn’t right in my stomach when we were in my room and in my bed. I've actually been feeling bad for the last hour or so but, as a man, sex was far too important. But I managed to hold out. Though as we both were drunk... and i mean stupidly drunk off our faces, the kind of drunk where you would start seeing pink miniature elephants flying around. But who cares, i had a hot chick in my bed ready and willing,
Her tongue in my mouth
My hand on her chest
Her legs around my waist
And then suddenly...
Vamp Girl: Shit L get out of the way
*Stumbles out of the room into the bathroom next door*
L: (Got up, sorted out clothes and stated stumbling towards the bathroom) Vamp Girl you alr....
*Puking sound from the bathroom*
* An imaginary face palm so strong it actually left a mark on my face.
So my amazing night turned boring. It went from being, amazing to just average. I thought everything had gone to hell and it couldn't get worse...
I was wrong.
As any other gentlemen i went in there and helped her out. Holding her hair back, telling her it's ok and giving her some water. She was apologizing and saying how bad she felt. The smell of puke was horrible... And combined with my earlier naseua and events of the day it was bound for disaster.
That's when bad turned into worse...
I rushed downstairs closed the door behind me as my stomach was screaming for what I had put it through the last 12 hours, thirsting for revenge.
I flipped up the lid went down on my knees, arms over the seat and forehead resting on my arms in the oh so well known puking position (Just like mommy taught me since my first tummy ache!). And as I was there, leaning over ready for the horrendous fate and feeling that comes with the whole emptying your stomach through your mouth and nostrils, I suddenly feel the true wrath of my stomach.
Shit was moving... Literally... The Coffee, spicy food and just lack of taking care of business during the evening was taking It's toll.
Ya, my stomach decided to send shit (no pun intended) flying both ways...
Looking around me with only a few seconds left I had to make a choice....
Thank god I have a quick mind! I noticed the hand basin to my right, and i quickly deducted that putting my ass in it whilst puking into the toilet would be... Acrobatically challenging... So instead I decided to get my ass on the seat and lean in over the hand basin.
I've never been religious, but if I wore, this would be the point where I realized god has forsaken me and I'd become a atheist.
After I got rid of all my bodily fluids (Together with a big chunk of my self respect) and cleaned up after me. I crawled into the sofa where I slipped into a near coma state. From where I wish I never avoke from. Unfortunatly life is cruel in the way you cannot simply get away with things. As I the next morning woke up with a hangover so strong that the slightest sound made it feel like I had a bomb go off in my head with the full divine wrath and vengence of all the worlds gods at the same time. Not to mention I had bruises and bite marks all over my body. And I didn't even get anything for it!
So there i was. Depried of pride, sex, health, senses and judging by my hangover, all form of movement for the next few days.
So yeah... This is the most embarrassing moment in my life. I learned that some things were never meant to be mixed.
Much Love
-L
PS. The next morning I wanted to go to the bathroom. It was locked. After a few min a girl came out. I went in. I then see my friend Shrimp passed out in the Jacuzzi the previous night.
L: You passed out in my Jacuzzi?
Shrimp: Ya... It's strangly comfortable...
L Did you notice there was a girl in here just now?
Shrimp: Ya... She did her business on the toilet. She must have thought i was asleep
L: Didn't you warn her?
Shrimp: I thought it would turn into a akward situation then...
L: (Facepalms) So pretending you're asleep and watching a woman pee is not?
Shrimp: Now that you mention it...
L: (Leaves)
DS.
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